博主亲自一边分析一边改进和优化了一封B2B开发信邮件

博主使用一封真实的开发信作为本次视频的例子，来分析开发信的优点及不足。并且立刻给出了自己建议。

下面是最初的开发信：

SUBJECT: Congrats!

Dear Carter,

Congrats on being recognized by the Business Examiner as a Top Place to Work – and not for the first time if memory serves. HR gets a lot of credit in my book for something like that.

The paper quoted an employee as saying, “Everyone in the office acts like they are all part of the same team.” That’s certainly no small accomplishment. Most employees of most companies don’t feel that way at all.

My company, The Yes Works, exists to help companies like yours to create, maintain, and deepen company cultures where communication is effective, collaboration is easy, and innovation happens because the ground is fertile. We’ve developed a training methodology using tools and techniques from theater improvisation to do it.

Would you be interested in a 15 minute phone conversation to learn more about how we can help further the great work you’re doing with culture, and help boost your bottom line?

I can be reached at 253-301-8004.

I believe you share a degree from PLU with one of my cofounders, Adam Utley.

Best,
Aaron

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下面是经过优化过的开发信：

SUBJECT: Carter, congrats on being the top place to work! Improv training?

Hi Carter,

Congrats on being recognized by the Business Examiner as a Top Place to Work – and not for the first time if memory serves. HR gets a lot of credit in my book for something like that. Love the quote about how everyone feels part of the same team.

My company Yes Works exists to help companies like yours create, maintain, and deepen company culture using tools and techniques from theater improvisation. Our training typically helps companies work more efficiently and our last client kz competitor got a 10x ROI from the training.

I’ve got a couple ideas for how we can help further the great work Company is doing with culture and further boost your bottom line. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in? Would love to run through them, let me know and I’ll send over a few times for a quick chat.

Best,
Aaron

P.S. I believe you share a degree from PLU with one of my cofounders, Adam Utley – go Badgers!